Negative Self Worth

Negative Self Worth

It’s very interesting to me that our psyche is so easily manipulated with time.

I’ve realized recently on my cute little adult self journey that the negative self talk I have in my head stems from what a specific person has told me over and over in my life.Some people have questioned why I still talk to that one person and to be honest there was a part in my life where I wanted an apology for what they had done to me, and was obsessed with getting it.

I quickly realized that the person didn’t really have any remorse so me holding out and eating myself up inside with hatred until that person felt remorse really did nothing but fill me with hate.

I realized today in the shower……

…..where I do most of my best thinking…..

…….that while I had forgiven that person I had never stopped the movie reel of negativity they had placed upon me. I simply disassociated it with the person.

Like I don’t think I’m explaining this correctly but this is astonishing to me.

This action gives a little insight to me on why it’s so hard to recover from these relationships.

The negative poison that someone feeds into your brain about yourself is absorbed into your brain and you play it over and over.

Good news is those thoughts are not real.

Those thoughts you have on repeat? Are fake.

Almost like in Captain Marvel when the alien dudes were trying to view Carol’s life and they needed to keep replaying things because they were trying to make sense of it and Carol’s sitting there like, um what the crap is happening right now why am I feeling so much deja vu.

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Sorry that movie was really good please go watch it!

Those thoughts are just a manipulation of false information.

Almost like aliens but normally fed by awful people who suck.

 

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All I’m saying is I had this realization just now, which is dumb but be like kick ass Captain Marvel and break out of that dumb mind control b.s. Do not let people’s negativity tell you who you are or should be.

 

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Bad Habits

Bad Habits

The weird thing about being an adult is learning that certain things you do aren’t actually 100% normal. When you’re growing up it’s harder to realize that some quirks you have are different from other people because you are surrounded by people that have the same quirks. Then you get married and you two have different quirks and backgrounds and you are confronted with your traits.

A great example of this is traditions I might thing that everyone on Christmas eve wears new matching pajamas but my husband’s family has never bought Christmas pajamas in their life however they all make gingerbread houses on Christmas eve.

I’ve run into this lately more and more while talking to my parents. I’ll have an irrational thought or anxiety about something random and then I talk to my mom and she says something very similar or even the same thought. In that moment it all makes sense.

These fears were placed in our minds.

My newest irrational fear is pregnancy.

I’m not afraid of being pregnant per-say or having a baby but I have this weird thought that when I’m pregnant my entire life goes on hold. I’ve been trying to make sure to get all my dental work done before I get pregnant because I’m scared that when I’m pregnant I might have severe tooth pain and I won’t be able to do anything about it.

Because no one has had anything similar happen when their pregnant?

Then yesterday my mom and I were talking about it and she mentioned that I wanted to do some traveling in the August/ September time period and I wouldn’t want to travel while I’m pregnant.

*Lightbulb*

It all made sense I had this thought that pregnant women must remain in their beds 24/7 as soon as they miss a period because my mom taught me that way.

One of my friends recently told me adulthood is figuring out and fixing our entire childhood trauma’s.

SOOOOO True

It’s hard learning who you are outside of your parents thoughts. I feel like most people do this during college years so maybe I’m just a late bloomer?

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Beating Winter Blues

Beating Winter Blues

I think I speak with most northerners when I say that we’re ready for Spring and when I say spring I mean no snow.

Sometimes the weather forgets that spring is supposed to mean flowers and warmer temperatures and not just a second winter.

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Also side note can we talk about how quotable Lord of the Rings is?

My husband insisted when we were dating that I watch all the EXTENDED Lord of the Rings movies without looking at my cell phone at all. Honestly it was a good idea.

Now if he’d only get on the mean girls train…..

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Anyway back to my original thought I’ve decided to day dream about our upcoming summer plans.

Hubby and I may be taking our first long road trip to go to one of my best friends Weddings and I’m kind of living for it.

Also slightly concerned about the play list situation.

Aaaa and the farmers markets being open again, live outdoor music, your face not hurting when you walk out the door.

The typical winter day dreams.

I’ve also been daydreaming about laying in the sun and then realizing that I’m Irish and by nature my skin doesn’t appreciate me trying to tan.

My beyond favorite part about summer, and I’m not sure if everyone shares this experience, is when you’ve spent the entire day (or let’s be honest, a few hours) in the sun and you get home, shower, and lay down to go to sleep. It’s like at that moment everything is perfect. That is the most content feeling to me.

Honestly that moment after you’ve laid in bed and before you fall asleep has always been my favorite moment. Anything that’s happened from the day is over. You don’t have to worry about it anymore. The worries of tomorrow are still a sleep away and at that moment your life has endless possibilities. You want to dream about Paris. You go girl. Cancun? go for it.

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You Are in Control

You Are in Control

I’ve been talking to my mom about this for a few days and I realized it changes our mind set so much when we change our perspective from what is happening to us versus what we are doing to ourselves.

We tend to harp on a lot of things in our life that stink, our finances, our job, our relationships, our weight.

“I would love to do xyz but I’m too old for that”

“I would love to lose the weight but I don’t have the time, or this is just how I am, my metabolism sucks”

“I would love to get a new job but I’ve been at mine so long I can’t start over”
“I hate the snow, every winter I get so depressed but this is unfortunately the miserable climate I was put into”

All of these situations are within our control but for some reason we like to pretend that we have nothing to do with them.

Are any of them easy fixes?

No

But they’re changeable.

Let’s be honest age is a frame of mind, you’re only going to be able to do what your mind tells you that you can do.

I do this ALL the time.

I want to lose weight……..but Cheetohs…..

Guys! Cheetohs are a real struggle!

That being said I’m not an idiot I know eating a family size bag of Cheetohs isn’t going to help aid in my weight loss unless doing so ends up in a diuretic type of GI response which to be honest might happen.

My lack of weight loss is 100% on me and my choices, but do I admit that to myself most of the time? Of course not.

It’s my body type I’m just curvy by nature.

To be honest somewhat true, but does “it being my body type” mean that I can’t get healthy? I can’t work out and eat healthy?

Of course not.

We self sabotage before we even have a chance. Which is awful and I hate it.

At some point we were told that we weren’t good enough for abc and we accepted that.

Someone told me that I was fat and I will always be fat, so my goals are immediately deflated by that thought even if I don’t realize it.

Why workout and eat healthy you’re always going to be fat?

Why put forth any effort you’re never going to be good enough?

You won’t look like that person.

Do you think if someone told you that you were stupid because of these reasons and you began to believe you were in fact stupid that you would ever end up in medical school?

Probably not because even if that were your dream you would see it, think that you would never be able to do it and then you wouldn’t make it happen.

I just want you to know.

You are good enough.

You can achieve all of your goals.

You are worthy of those achievements.

Don’t let anyone tell you what your limits are.

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Side note if you sang that quote above, we’re now best friends please react accordingly!

Cómo también diría Dísney: "si puedes soñarlo puede hacerlo" a luchas por sus sueños!! Feliz noche!! #panama #pty #allsport #road #quotes #caminos #mind #hope #peace

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Meals

Meals

You know what I hate?

Meal Planning

Meal Prepping

Meals

I’m just saying if we could just snack indefinitely I’d be a happy camper.

However I got married and I’ll tell you what, this guy prefers “meals”.

Apparently eating Breakfast, Lunch and Dinner is a thing guys tend to like to do and I’m just telling you I’m not for it.

You know what else I dislike?

Meal “Qualifications”

I lived my adult life 18-26 thinking if I ate something around a specific time of day that was my meal. Apparently No.

My 6’2 husband has specific things in his mind that make a “meal”.

A salad with some cheese and chick  peas, not a meal. Throw some chicken in there, now it becomes a acceptable meal.

Coming from a person who’s ordered chicken Caesar salads her whole life and never eaten the entire thing or touched the chicken this qualification seems silly.

If I had my way I would live off from “snacks”, smoothies and protein shakes however you get married and eventually have kids and everyone expects you to eat like an “adult”.

Also I’m not buying this whole a salad without meat is a snack business!

Disclaimer

I would like to point out that my husband does not make me make him dinner, tell me it’s my rightful place as the person with the uterus in the relationship to belong in the kitchen, or do anything else chauvinistic however we “split” the meal’s during the week (aka he cooks and I pretend) and I’m working on getting better at meal planning and not grubhubbing.

Grubhub I see you and I know that you’re robbing me.

However no I do not want to pick up my own food.

I am LAZY which is why I called you.

Not this week! Not on my night to make dinner! We will eat PB&J’s before I admit defeat!

Okay and honestly I feel like a PB&J is a fine dinner.

Just saying.

All this blog post is meant to do is to stall before I go look at Pinterest perfect meals and try to throw together some type of gluten piece masterpiece plan for this weeks meals.

By starting this process on Friday night I hope to have it completed for our grocery run on Sunday.

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Humble Brag

Humble Brag

So I suck at blogging I get that but today my husband was adorable and I wanted to remember it, but at the same time it seemed weird to brag about on Facebook?

Plus I want to blog more!

Granted I kind of suck at it but you know what new year new me!…….wait it’s almost March…….New season new me!

BACK TO THE POINT

(Literally my brain is so all over the place)

Today my husband and I went to get groceries, we walk out after getting the groceries to a group of people watching the rain downpour hoping it will let up and they will be able to walk out without getting drenched. Hubs and I are no babies so I silently realize i’m going to get an unplanned shower in the rain. Out of no where my 6’2 husband drops his baseball hat on my head and we venture out into the rain.

……That split second decision to take care of me…….

I’m sorry that’s some romantic crap you guys! Like Nicholas Sparks must be shaking!

I just love him so much ❤

(My husband……not Nicolas Sparks.)

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Last Day Of Vacation

Last Day Of Vacation

Hey!

So today was the last day of my little stay-cation and honestly I learned two things 1) Stay-cations are severely underrated and 2) If I’m home I eat more.

It was so great to be able to get out and about in the warm weather and sun instead of work, work, work.

Originally we had planned to travel for our vacation but since we’re working on those financial goals we decided it was better not to go.

It was great to be able to spend time together revamp, catch up on sleep and explore the place we live! So much happens around us that we barely notice because we’re too “busy”.

Sometimes you just need a breather to catch up with life!

I’m quite excited to go back to work re-energized instead of depleted which a road trip can do to you.

The newest thing I learned about my unhealthy eating is I mindless eat! It’s just this bad habit I never realized. I guess it could also be considered “boredom eating” but I swear there were sometimes I was just grabbing for food realizing oh wait I don’t actually want or need this!

Oh the stay-cation vibes ♥️♥️

my love

First time at the Renaissance festival!

Kitten love!

Also beyond grateful to live in this gorgeous area where stay-cations are beyond worth it!

I encourage everyone to seek out beauty where ever you are!

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