Sometimes I feel like my life is slightly like watching people play double dutch.

I remember back in the good ole days *cough* the 90s, we would go to recess and at that time it meant playing outside. My favorite thing to do was the group jump rope session.

You line up two people hold the jump rope and you take turns.

I feel like this is common? Hopefully or you’re beyond confused.

I was not a bad jumper and could hold my own and even was able to jump with someone else at the same time but I always envied those people that could run from the line and jump into the swinging jump rope and not miss a beat.

Me? I had to have the whole one, two, three count off at my feet and then I was good to go.

But people that could run into jump rope and even the double dutch jump rope amazed me and I think it’s because they had no reservations.

Did they always succeed?


Did they sometimes look like complete idiots running for their lives to jump two impending ropes that were going to trip them once they missed a beat?

100%, but they did it and they committed.

My situation went more like, I’m going to do it, then think about it, consider failure and be so focused on failing that I would get smacked in the face because I wasnt focused.

In life, I still do it.

I envy people’s success because of their belief in themselves.

I could have the next big million dollar invention and not do a darn thing about it because I’m too busy considering defeat.

I get so focused on defeat that I manufacture that destiny.

While I think that I really wanted my dream, I spend morning, day and night focusing on not getting my dream. I’m running towards my defeat.

I always thought people that said “speak your dreams to the universe” and “make a dream board to make your dreams come alive” were crazy, but they’re not.

I mean some may be? Idk their lives…..

But this act focuses our mind for success.

Don’t manifest your own failure. Take faith in yourself to realize that you have something to offer this world and our world is better because you’re in it. Know that your dreams are worth focusing on and fighting for!!




It’s so weird to me, bodies, everyone has one but they’re all completely different. Yet we all want to be accepted and be like one another.
I always said life would be so much easier if your body came with an instruction manual.


*Eat clean, eat healthy, move your body*

But any one who has lived a day of life ~er well maybe more than one day~ knows it’s not that simple.

Eat healthy but you’re body is going to try to make sure you have nutrition in case of a famine so we’re genetically wired to appreciate bright colored foods or sweet things, carbs are a dream but they make you fat and if you have the honor of living in the 21st century there’s a diet plan for any type of lifestyle you would like.

You love fat and meat?

No prob! Keto’s your way!

Love cookies?

Cool there’s a cookie diet out there (or there was in the 90’s?)

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Or hey do you just not want to worry about eating?

A juice cleanse will solve all of your issues!

Not to make things harder or anything but because people’s bodies are so different different diet plans work differently for people. Oh and the studies!

I kid you not my mom swears elderberries cure any ailment you have, and turmeric is probably the cure for all the negative in the world. A few years back my father insisted that my overweight college self immediately go to the vitamin store and grab some raspberry ketones!

The health industry is just that, it’s an industry and honestly I think most of the time part of their business mastermind is to keep us all on our toes and confused out of our minds.

Case in point~

Sugar, pure refined crystal Sugar

I can almost guarantee you that no health professional will ever tell you that sugar HAS to be part of your balanced diet for you to remain a healthy functioning human. However somehow it sneaks into everything we consume. Could you even imagine the ramifications if as a nation we just boycotted everything with sugar? It’d be amazing but it would also have a huge domino effect.

Honestly this kind of got off on a tangent because I originally began this thought because after going my entire life being un-diagnosed with Celiac disease, my body took a lot of hits. My hair, nails and teeth have always been pretty brittle and thin.My stomachs always been a mess and worst of all I learned to not trust my body. I was constantly told my stomach issues were in my head. I just had anxiety and maybe i should just try some anti depressants.

Recently I’ve finally been able to grow nails without them breaking! I have been so excited and people look at me like I’m mental,because nails grow…..duh!

But mine didn’t.

Over the years I would just lay in bed completely sick, mind body and soul sick and I would wonder what was so wrong with me that  I couldn’t just be normal and get through it. Why was I so screwed up that I would be able to manipulate my body to get physically sick.

At one point my high school guidance counselor strongly encouraged my mother to put me into the psychiatric unit at the hospital. Since I couldn’t function as a normal teenager and attend classes regularly.

I’m not trying to post a “feel bad for me blog” but something happens to you when people give up on you and write you off. To this day I would love to confront my pediatrician and guidance counselor and say see?

I told you I was sick! It wasn’t in my head! And you gave up on me!

I assume people with mental health issues must feel very similar. Instead of working with people we’re so easy to write them off, throw some anti-depressants at them and tell them to grow a pair. When really if we just cared and listened we could help people through what they’re going through.

It’d be so much easier if we had a manual that came with us to help us understand what we’re going through so we can help illustrate that to others.

So what do my nails have to do with anything, honestly really nothing.

But I feel like I can restart, I can trust my body to tell me when somethings wrong.

It’s just another physical proof that my body needed help and I’m finally addressing it.

Whatever you’re going through

is real.

Whether it’s only real to you or it’s yet to be determined it’s still real.

Emotional pain

is still pain

Except physical pain is normally met with a vast team to back you up and heal your broken tangible arm where emotional pain is met with people not believing you or telling you they know it’s hard but you have to push through.

Don’t give up on yourself.

No matter what you’re going through.

You’re worth it!


Negative Self Worth

Negative Self Worth

It’s very interesting to me that our psyche is so easily manipulated with time.

I’ve realized recently on my cute little adult self journey that the negative self talk I have in my head stems from what a specific person has told me over and over in my life.Some people have questioned why I still talk to that one person and to be honest there was a part in my life where I wanted an apology for what they had done to me, and was obsessed with getting it.

I quickly realized that the person didn’t really have any remorse so me holding out and eating myself up inside with hatred until that person felt remorse really did nothing but fill me with hate.

I realized today in the shower……

…..where I do most of my best thinking…..

…….that while I had forgiven that person I had never stopped the movie reel of negativity they had placed upon me. I simply disassociated it with the person.

Like I don’t think I’m explaining this correctly but this is astonishing to me.

This action gives a little insight to me on why it’s so hard to recover from these relationships.

The negative poison that someone feeds into your brain about yourself is absorbed into your brain and you play it over and over.

Good news is those thoughts are not real.

Those thoughts you have on repeat? Are fake.

Almost like in Captain Marvel when the alien dudes were trying to view Carol’s life and they needed to keep replaying things because they were trying to make sense of it and Carol’s sitting there like, um what the crap is happening right now why am I feeling so much deja vu.

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Sorry that movie was really good please go watch it!

Those thoughts are just a manipulation of false information.

Almost like aliens but normally fed by awful people who suck.


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All I’m saying is I had this realization just now, which is dumb but be like kick ass Captain Marvel and break out of that dumb mind control b.s. Do not let people’s negativity tell you who you are or should be.


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Bad Habits

Bad Habits

The weird thing about being an adult is learning that certain things you do aren’t actually 100% normal. When you’re growing up it’s harder to realize that some quirks you have are different from other people because you are surrounded by people that have the same quirks. Then you get married and you two have different quirks and backgrounds and you are confronted with your traits.

A great example of this is traditions I might thing that everyone on Christmas eve wears new matching pajamas but my husband’s family has never bought Christmas pajamas in their life however they all make gingerbread houses on Christmas eve.

I’ve run into this lately more and more while talking to my parents. I’ll have an irrational thought or anxiety about something random and then I talk to my mom and she says something very similar or even the same thought. In that moment it all makes sense.

These fears were placed in our minds.

My newest irrational fear is pregnancy.

I’m not afraid of being pregnant per-say or having a baby but I have this weird thought that when I’m pregnant my entire life goes on hold. I’ve been trying to make sure to get all my dental work done before I get pregnant because I’m scared that when I’m pregnant I might have severe tooth pain and I won’t be able to do anything about it.

Because no one has had anything similar happen when their pregnant?

Then yesterday my mom and I were talking about it and she mentioned that I wanted to do some traveling in the August/ September time period and I wouldn’t want to travel while I’m pregnant.


It all made sense I had this thought that pregnant women must remain in their beds 24/7 as soon as they miss a period because my mom taught me that way.

One of my friends recently told me adulthood is figuring out and fixing our entire childhood trauma’s.


It’s hard learning who you are outside of your parents thoughts. I feel like most people do this during college years so maybe I’m just a late bloomer?


Beating Winter Blues

Beating Winter Blues

I think I speak with most northerners when I say that we’re ready for Spring and when I say spring I mean no snow.

Sometimes the weather forgets that spring is supposed to mean flowers and warmer temperatures and not just a second winter.

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Also side note can we talk about how quotable Lord of the Rings is?

My husband insisted when we were dating that I watch all the EXTENDED Lord of the Rings movies without looking at my cell phone at all. Honestly it was a good idea.

Now if he’d only get on the mean girls train…..

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Anyway back to my original thought I’ve decided to day dream about our upcoming summer plans.

Hubby and I may be taking our first long road trip to go to one of my best friends Weddings and I’m kind of living for it.

Also slightly concerned about the play list situation.

Aaaa and the farmers markets being open again, live outdoor music, your face not hurting when you walk out the door.

The typical winter day dreams.

I’ve also been daydreaming about laying in the sun and then realizing that I’m Irish and by nature my skin doesn’t appreciate me trying to tan.

My beyond favorite part about summer, and I’m not sure if everyone shares this experience, is when you’ve spent the entire day (or let’s be honest, a few hours) in the sun and you get home, shower, and lay down to go to sleep. It’s like at that moment everything is perfect. That is the most content feeling to me.

Honestly that moment after you’ve laid in bed and before you fall asleep has always been my favorite moment. Anything that’s happened from the day is over. You don’t have to worry about it anymore. The worries of tomorrow are still a sleep away and at that moment your life has endless possibilities. You want to dream about Paris. You go girl. Cancun? go for it.




You Are in Control

You Are in Control

I’ve been talking to my mom about this for a few days and I realized it changes our mind set so much when we change our perspective from what is happening to us versus what we are doing to ourselves.

We tend to harp on a lot of things in our life that stink, our finances, our job, our relationships, our weight.

“I would love to do xyz but I’m too old for that”

“I would love to lose the weight but I don’t have the time, or this is just how I am, my metabolism sucks”

“I would love to get a new job but I’ve been at mine so long I can’t start over”
“I hate the snow, every winter I get so depressed but this is unfortunately the miserable climate I was put into”

All of these situations are within our control but for some reason we like to pretend that we have nothing to do with them.

Are any of them easy fixes?


But they’re changeable.

Let’s be honest age is a frame of mind, you’re only going to be able to do what your mind tells you that you can do.

I do this ALL the time.

I want to lose weight……..but Cheetohs…..

Guys! Cheetohs are a real struggle!

That being said I’m not an idiot I know eating a family size bag of Cheetohs isn’t going to help aid in my weight loss unless doing so ends up in a diuretic type of GI response which to be honest might happen.

My lack of weight loss is 100% on me and my choices, but do I admit that to myself most of the time? Of course not.

It’s my body type I’m just curvy by nature.

To be honest somewhat true, but does “it being my body type” mean that I can’t get healthy? I can’t work out and eat healthy?

Of course not.

We self sabotage before we even have a chance. Which is awful and I hate it.

At some point we were told that we weren’t good enough for abc and we accepted that.

Someone told me that I was fat and I will always be fat, so my goals are immediately deflated by that thought even if I don’t realize it.

Why workout and eat healthy you’re always going to be fat?

Why put forth any effort you’re never going to be good enough?

You won’t look like that person.

Do you think if someone told you that you were stupid because of these reasons and you began to believe you were in fact stupid that you would ever end up in medical school?

Probably not because even if that were your dream you would see it, think that you would never be able to do it and then you wouldn’t make it happen.

I just want you to know.

You are good enough.

You can achieve all of your goals.

You are worthy of those achievements.

Don’t let anyone tell you what your limits are.

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Side note if you sang that quote above, we’re now best friends please react accordingly!

Cómo también diría Dísney: "si puedes soñarlo puede hacerlo" a luchas por sus sueños!! Feliz noche!! #panama #pty #allsport #road #quotes #caminos #mind #hope #peace




You know what I hate?

Meal Planning

Meal Prepping


I’m just saying if we could just snack indefinitely I’d be a happy camper.

However I got married and I’ll tell you what, this guy prefers “meals”.

Apparently eating Breakfast, Lunch and Dinner is a thing guys tend to like to do and I’m just telling you I’m not for it.

You know what else I dislike?

Meal “Qualifications”

I lived my adult life 18-26 thinking if I ate something around a specific time of day that was my meal. Apparently No.

My 6’2 husband has specific things in his mind that make a “meal”.

A salad with some cheese and chick  peas, not a meal. Throw some chicken in there, now it becomes a acceptable meal.

Coming from a person who’s ordered chicken Caesar salads her whole life and never eaten the entire thing or touched the chicken this qualification seems silly.

If I had my way I would live off from “snacks”, smoothies and protein shakes however you get married and eventually have kids and everyone expects you to eat like an “adult”.

Also I’m not buying this whole a salad without meat is a snack business!


I would like to point out that my husband does not make me make him dinner, tell me it’s my rightful place as the person with the uterus in the relationship to belong in the kitchen, or do anything else chauvinistic however we “split” the meal’s during the week (aka he cooks and I pretend) and I’m working on getting better at meal planning and not grubhubbing.

Grubhub I see you and I know that you’re robbing me.

However no I do not want to pick up my own food.

I am LAZY which is why I called you.

Not this week! Not on my night to make dinner! We will eat PB&J’s before I admit defeat!

Okay and honestly I feel like a PB&J is a fine dinner.

Just saying.

All this blog post is meant to do is to stall before I go look at Pinterest perfect meals and try to throw together some type of gluten piece masterpiece plan for this weeks meals.

By starting this process on Friday night I hope to have it completed for our grocery run on Sunday.